I saw this video a long time ago and forgot all about it until the song popped into my head the other day. Had to share with all my reader friends. So true! And look how simply saying "Don't you ever interrupt me while I'm reading a book" can make you look like a pop star! :)
***Warning... this and other Julian Smith clips are hard not to watch over and over (I made this for YOU!) See video below:
Identifying with Characters: For the love of covers
Before we delve into this blog post any further, let's highlight the point of this post:
1) Identifying with characters as a reader
versus
2) Placing yourself into that character's situation AS the character
then,
3) The cover enabling either 1 or 2 to happen with the reader
4) Figuring out which cover readers like more, depending on 1 and 2
I'm going to be upfront about this--there will not be an answer at the end. I'm simply posting this because I'm curious: Do most readers prefer to get into the MC's head and know everything about them as a best friend? Or do they prefer to step into the character's shoes as the character themselves? And how much of a part do covers have to do with this?
Let's go over a couple of examples (some more overused as others--keep in mind we are not reviewing the books; I chose these examples based only on the covers):
Example #1
This book series is insanely popular because the reader can very easily step into the MC's shoes. Bella does not say much about her appearance throughout the series, and in staying vague about it, the reader can share those experiences in a more personal way if they choose. Being as the series is romantical and angst-y and all, what better way to ensure that the readers feel Bella's feelings on a more personal level than to keep from sticking everyone with a specifically described MC on the cover (or in the books as well)?
Example #2
Logline: Who would have guessed that four minutes could change everything?
From a reader's point of view, I'd say it's not too hard to get into the MC's head and feel she could be you. It's also pretty easy to imagine you could be the girl from the cover view... the picture of the couple is small enough that you notice the word LOVE more than you see the MC. (So if the picture were a close-up, and a dark, straight-haired reader saw a blonde with long, curly hair, would that keep her from wanting to read it?)
Example #3
Logline: It happened like this. I was stolen from an airport. Taken from everything I knew, everything I was used to. Taken to sand and heat, dirt and danger. And he expected me to love him.
This is my story.
A letter from nowhere.
Example #4
Logline: Girl Meets boy. Girl loses boy. Girl gets boy back... sort of.
You can see the guy holding the girl's hand... again, that hand on the left could be the reader's. If two faces were on the cover, the reader might be separated from the MC's emotional state a bit--they'd associate all the feelings with the face they saw, instead of how they would feel themselves in the same situation.
Example #5
Logline: Please let me go, I won't tell.
Knowing the MC is blind and can't see anything as the events become more and more perilous is much more serious when you feel as though you've stepped into her shoes. You see what she sees (if you have read this, you'll know what I mean), vs. what could have been if an entire MC photo was on the cover and you simply read her thought process.
There are so many examples of full-on character covers, that I won't even bother trying to use my own example. Just go to this article called Uncovering YA Covers: How Dark Are They? (a post from back in 2010 regarding YA covers--it's actually a pretty interesting read) and you'll see how often a thin, (usually white) MC is wrapped around the book for all to see.
So, here's the question. In which books can you relate to the protagonist on a more personal level? I would guess the top five, not the hundreds shown in the examples on that blog post I shared. Here's my thinking on this: In seeing the person on the cover and knowing it is obviously not you, you feel distanced a bit.
Am I right? Does this even matter to people?
You tell me.
Would you, as a reader, prefer to get into the MC's head and know everything about them as a best friend would?
Or would you prefer to step into the character's shoes as them?
And how much of a part, if any, do covers have to do with this?
1) Identifying with characters as a reader
versus
2) Placing yourself into that character's situation AS the character
then,
3) The cover enabling either 1 or 2 to happen with the reader
4) Figuring out which cover readers like more, depending on 1 and 2
I'm going to be upfront about this--there will not be an answer at the end. I'm simply posting this because I'm curious: Do most readers prefer to get into the MC's head and know everything about them as a best friend? Or do they prefer to step into the character's shoes as the character themselves? And how much of a part do covers have to do with this?
Let's go over a couple of examples (some more overused as others--keep in mind we are not reviewing the books; I chose these examples based only on the covers):
Example #1
This book series is insanely popular because the reader can very easily step into the MC's shoes. Bella does not say much about her appearance throughout the series, and in staying vague about it, the reader can share those experiences in a more personal way if they choose. Being as the series is romantical and angst-y and all, what better way to ensure that the readers feel Bella's feelings on a more personal level than to keep from sticking everyone with a specifically described MC on the cover (or in the books as well)?
Example #2
Logline: Who would have guessed that four minutes could change everything?
From a reader's point of view, I'd say it's not too hard to get into the MC's head and feel she could be you. It's also pretty easy to imagine you could be the girl from the cover view... the picture of the couple is small enough that you notice the word LOVE more than you see the MC. (So if the picture were a close-up, and a dark, straight-haired reader saw a blonde with long, curly hair, would that keep her from wanting to read it?)
Example #3
Logline: It happened like this. I was stolen from an airport. Taken from everything I knew, everything I was used to. Taken to sand and heat, dirt and danger. And he expected me to love him.
This is my story.
A letter from nowhere.
In Stolen, the MC's thoughts take precedence over everything else. You have an idea how she looks, but it doesn't get too technical. Description and thought processes are what make everything in this book matter--therefore, feeling that you personally could be the one "stolen" makes the book (in my opinion). If a girl's face had been put on the cover, some readers wouldn't be able to identify with the situation as much.
Example #4
Logline: Girl Meets boy. Girl loses boy. Girl gets boy back... sort of.
You can see the guy holding the girl's hand... again, that hand on the left could be the reader's. If two faces were on the cover, the reader might be separated from the MC's emotional state a bit--they'd associate all the feelings with the face they saw, instead of how they would feel themselves in the same situation.
Example #5
Logline: Please let me go, I won't tell.
Knowing the MC is blind and can't see anything as the events become more and more perilous is much more serious when you feel as though you've stepped into her shoes. You see what she sees (if you have read this, you'll know what I mean), vs. what could have been if an entire MC photo was on the cover and you simply read her thought process.
There are so many examples of full-on character covers, that I won't even bother trying to use my own example. Just go to this article called Uncovering YA Covers: How Dark Are They? (a post from back in 2010 regarding YA covers--it's actually a pretty interesting read) and you'll see how often a thin, (usually white) MC is wrapped around the book for all to see.
So, here's the question. In which books can you relate to the protagonist on a more personal level? I would guess the top five, not the hundreds shown in the examples on that blog post I shared. Here's my thinking on this: In seeing the person on the cover and knowing it is obviously not you, you feel distanced a bit.
Am I right? Does this even matter to people?
You tell me.
Would you, as a reader, prefer to get into the MC's head and know everything about them as a best friend would?
Or would you prefer to step into the character's shoes as them?
And how much of a part, if any, do covers have to do with this?
Writers and genre pigeonholes
Considering the fact that a few short days ago I'd stated we were going to go over dealing with being stuck in specific genres as writers, I was excited when a rather timely article appeared yesterday on Flavorwire titled, 10 Great Authors We Should All Stop Pigeonholing. In the article, Ms. Temple highlights ten authors whom most readers and writers alike are very familiar with (including Ray Bradberry, Jack London, and C.S. Lewis). She points out that though we have labeled them in our minds and in the marketplace (some for many decades), all ten writers could have (and did/do) write/sell work in other genres.
I looked up the word "pigeonhole", just to see what kind of definition would come up. Oxford's online dictionary actually uses a writer as one of its examples:
[ with object]
Notice how the category is described? ...typically an overly restrictive one. I guess in a way, it's nice to know that this problem isn't new--writers have been dealing with the lack of categorical freedom for a long time. (Because in the long run--and the short run, too--it's all about the way to make the most profit. And not necessarily for the author.) That doesn't exactly make it any easier, however. Does it? I came across a few articles while going over this, and thought I'd share two.
First, quite a while back I watched a documentary on type-casting. The director featured famous actors--some who had been stuck in the same stereotypical role for a long time, and others who'd been able to step over that "pigeonhole labeling" category and move on to something different (and many times, even better). Now, I can't remember many of the actors anymore (it really has a been a while since I watched it), but I'll never forget this guy:
(picture courtesy of Todd Wilson/ IMDB)
Recognize him? His name is Stephen Tobolowsky. More often than not, he's played quirky, awkward characters who never had a chance at much of a social life.
The documentary pointed out that though Mr. Tobolowsky was a great actor, he had definitely been type-cast, and that action wasn't an easy thing for him to reverse. Some of you may not know Mr. Tobolowsky's face, but he has a very distinct voice. And things have obviously changed over the past few years, because he is now the voice of the Discover Card's 5% cashback commercials. Doesn't sound awkward at all in those commercials to me! You go, Mr. Tobolowsky!
So see, no one is doomed to be type-cast forever! Same goes for writing. The problem is, we writers usually don't get to make that choice.
Back in September, author Dan Thompson posted a blog titled "Avoiding the Genre Trap" on his blog, Making It Up As I Go. He specifically talks "the literary equivalent of type-casting". The part that really stood out to me is below:
This is exactly what so many authors are stuck with, worrying about, or trying to determine whether or not they want to push through on their own without the help of a traditional publisher. It's kind of the same problem I am having--PITY ISN'T AN OPTION is dystopian, technically, and yet agents have specifically told me that it is "not dystopian enough". Here's the deal, though. I do not want to make it any more dystopian. Therefore, we're at an impasse... because unless the entire storyline changes (taking away from the whole point of it in the first place), PITY has to stay like it is. (Am I holding anything against these agents for their comments? No. It's not their fault the market is labeled so black and white, nor is it their fault that I'm just another anonymous person out in the writerly world trying to get my book into people's hearts.)
So it looks as though more and more writers are going to go self-pub. To think that writing one way actually inhibits you to write another later on is strange. To think that writing what you love makes it difficult to share is just plain sad.
Funny how, even five years ago, this was more faux pas than it is now. Funny how, in a few short weeks, you can go from editing the last draft of your manuscript to publishing it on a website, and boom.... There it is for all to digitally purchase and read. Funny how agents and (famous) writers alike like to say, don't worry about a specific genre or if it's insanely marketable, "write what you love!" (There are articles all over the internet but one example is here.*) Then, they immediately tell you "Hey, yeah... I can't market this."
Okay, so it's really not that funny.
Way back when, people thought self-publishing was a curse. Interesting how now, writers all over the world consider it a blessing. (As do readers lately, it seems). Things are a-changing, my friends.
Consider what agent Sara Megibow, from Nelson Literary Agency, tweeted yesterday: If publishing becomes more like music (possible) then there will be a few HUGELY commercially successful authors (both trad and self pub)...
See, now, I'm fine with that. I think *most* writers who are struggling to get their work under readers' noses would be fine with that, too! The whole point of getting through the drafts and the words and the love and the angst of writing isn't to stuff it under a box and walk away, it's to allow others the gift of seeing the end of your journey!
So, friends, what is your take on all this? Would you
a) write FOR the market, and in doing so, label your work a specific genre in order to have a higher chance of getting it to go somewhere (and/or even completely revise your work to have more of a chance at traditional publishing),
b) write for your HEART, and then after all is said and edited, go about trying to squeeze it into one genre
or
c) try to do a little bit of both?
And if the genre label/type-cast/pigeonhole wasn't working for you, would you rewrite it all, or lean toward self-publishing in order to keep your story true?
I would love to see your responses (along with examples of genres people have used/bent themselves that aren't particularly traditional) below!
Jessica
*I am in no way dogging this agent or her response to the question or her opinion on the matter... just showing one quick example of advice offered all over the interwebs from the literary world.
I looked up the word "pigeonhole", just to see what kind of definition would come up. Oxford's online dictionary actually uses a writer as one of its examples:
verb
Notice how the category is described? ...typically an overly restrictive one. I guess in a way, it's nice to know that this problem isn't new--writers have been dealing with the lack of categorical freedom for a long time. (Because in the long run--and the short run, too--it's all about the way to make the most profit. And not necessarily for the author.) That doesn't exactly make it any easier, however. Does it? I came across a few articles while going over this, and thought I'd share two.
First, quite a while back I watched a documentary on type-casting. The director featured famous actors--some who had been stuck in the same stereotypical role for a long time, and others who'd been able to step over that "pigeonhole labeling" category and move on to something different (and many times, even better). Now, I can't remember many of the actors anymore (it really has a been a while since I watched it), but I'll never forget this guy:
(picture courtesy of Todd Wilson/ IMDB)
Recognize him? His name is Stephen Tobolowsky. More often than not, he's played quirky, awkward characters who never had a chance at much of a social life.
The documentary pointed out that though Mr. Tobolowsky was a great actor, he had definitely been type-cast, and that action wasn't an easy thing for him to reverse. Some of you may not know Mr. Tobolowsky's face, but he has a very distinct voice. And things have obviously changed over the past few years, because he is now the voice of the Discover Card's 5% cashback commercials. Doesn't sound awkward at all in those commercials to me! You go, Mr. Tobolowsky!
So see, no one is doomed to be type-cast forever! Same goes for writing. The problem is, we writers usually don't get to make that choice.
Back in September, author Dan Thompson posted a blog titled "Avoiding the Genre Trap" on his blog, Making It Up As I Go. He specifically talks "the literary equivalent of type-casting". The part that really stood out to me is below:
One author described how his advances became something of a trap, because he felt he could no longer afford to branch out and try a different genre or experiment with some of his stranger ideas. While it might make a fabulous novel, even a commercially successful one, he knew he could never sell something that different on a proposal. So he stuck with what he knew, living from one advance to the next.
Most of all that, of course, is second or third hand information, but I confess that this is one of the things that pushed me towards self-publishing. I did not want to find myself in the position of writing a particular book simply because it was a lot like the last one. That’s hardly the only reason I went that way, but it did enter into my thinking.
This is exactly what so many authors are stuck with, worrying about, or trying to determine whether or not they want to push through on their own without the help of a traditional publisher. It's kind of the same problem I am having--PITY ISN'T AN OPTION is dystopian, technically, and yet agents have specifically told me that it is "not dystopian enough". Here's the deal, though. I do not want to make it any more dystopian. Therefore, we're at an impasse... because unless the entire storyline changes (taking away from the whole point of it in the first place), PITY has to stay like it is. (Am I holding anything against these agents for their comments? No. It's not their fault the market is labeled so black and white, nor is it their fault that I'm just another anonymous person out in the writerly world trying to get my book into people's hearts.)
So it looks as though more and more writers are going to go self-pub. To think that writing one way actually inhibits you to write another later on is strange. To think that writing what you love makes it difficult to share is just plain sad.
Funny how, even five years ago, this was more faux pas than it is now. Funny how, in a few short weeks, you can go from editing the last draft of your manuscript to publishing it on a website, and boom.... There it is for all to digitally purchase and read. Funny how agents and (famous) writers alike like to say, don't worry about a specific genre or if it's insanely marketable, "write what you love!" (There are articles all over the internet but one example is here.*) Then, they immediately tell you "Hey, yeah... I can't market this."
Okay, so it's really not that funny.
Way back when, people thought self-publishing was a curse. Interesting how now, writers all over the world consider it a blessing. (As do readers lately, it seems). Things are a-changing, my friends.
Consider what agent Sara Megibow, from Nelson Literary Agency, tweeted yesterday: If publishing becomes more like music (possible) then there will be a few HUGELY commercially successful authors (both trad and self pub)...
See, now, I'm fine with that. I think *most* writers who are struggling to get their work under readers' noses would be fine with that, too! The whole point of getting through the drafts and the words and the love and the angst of writing isn't to stuff it under a box and walk away, it's to allow others the gift of seeing the end of your journey!
So, friends, what is your take on all this? Would you
a) write FOR the market, and in doing so, label your work a specific genre in order to have a higher chance of getting it to go somewhere (and/or even completely revise your work to have more of a chance at traditional publishing),
b) write for your HEART, and then after all is said and edited, go about trying to squeeze it into one genre
or
c) try to do a little bit of both?
And if the genre label/type-cast/pigeonhole wasn't working for you, would you rewrite it all, or lean toward self-publishing in order to keep your story true?
I would love to see your responses (along with examples of genres people have used/bent themselves that aren't particularly traditional) below!
Jessica
*I am in no way dogging this agent or her response to the question or her opinion on the matter... just showing one quick example of advice offered all over the interwebs from the literary world.
Catching up
It's been over a year since my last post. There's no way to get everyone caught up as to what's gone on since then without writing a book, so for now I think the best thing to do is simply state where I'm at, and move on.
1) Lovemuffin was healed, totally and completely, from Evans Syndrome and ITP--the last time he took any meds whatsoever was July of 2011.
2) This was not a medical healing, done by doctors. We went that route. He even had his spleen removed. It failed.
3) We began to lean on and claim the truths in the Word that Jesus had already taken Andy's disease on the cross. We received communion every day ("as often as you think of me...") and claimed that by our Savior's stripes, he was healed.
4) Lovemuffin has not been to the doctor since. The Lord has held his blood; and he has not had any symptoms. In fact, he's healthier now than he was the first 14 years that we were married. We rejoice daily in the love of our Heavenly Father--an unconditional love (thanks to Jesus' finished work on the cross) that is there for all who believe in Him to hold onto and soak up.
5) A lot of writerly things have happened in that amount of time.
6) And yet, when I say a lot has happened, I don't really have much to tell.
So, there you go. Caught up on over a year's worth of news in a matter of a few bullet points. As I said, the amount of time that has passed is too much to cover on a more in-depth level. And truly, that's not why I'm back. I'm back on here because I am finally at the point where I can blog again. (Not consistently, because, to be honest, that drains way too much away from other things that need to be done.)
As Lovemuffin was going through his things with health, I was accepting horrible accusations and thoughts regarding my writing skills. I had gotten so low that (and this something I've never told anyone) I thought I completely sucked. Some time before that, a writer friend of mine sent me a mug with some absolutely wonderful writerly words (quite inspirational--you know who you are, my friend!) and I could not even look at the thing. At all. I kept it hidden, in my closet, for a YEAR, so I wouldn't have to look at the lies of what I knew that I was not. Because I really had begun to believe that I was THAT terrible. I was done. I was ready to give up.
Lovemuffin's sickness was a blessing to our family. Through the entire process of him being healed and us being spiritually restored, I came to see that, even when you don't think the Lord is doing anything in your life, He is. Sometimes, you just aren't paying attention. There's a bigger story in that, and I intend on covering it soon. It has to do with life and writing and the way, so many times, they become intertwined.
For any of you who actually remember me (it has been quite a while since I last blogged), over the next few weeks I'm going to peruse posts and see how things have been going for you all. I can't wait to rejoice with those who've leapt over the previous part of your writing journey, and are now at the next step. And for those of you still clicking away, I totally get where you're at, as well. If I learned anything this whole time about writing, I learned that those who are here, helping everyone along the way with encouraging words, are also the ones who need it themselves. :)
My first post will probably be next week--but I thought I'd bring the subject up now, so everyone could think about their answer and/or share their own experiences. Regarding genres, sometimes the story put on your heart to share isn't a story that fits perfectly between the lines. Sometimes, it overlaps a few categories. And we all know how often our stories take on a mine of their own. So here's my question to think about:
When your MS/WIP isn't one specific genre, what do you do? (Say you need a specific label for queries, for instance.) Do you take the one more obvious, and not mention the other elements? OR do you combine two or three together, and own it when you're explaining the plot?
I can't wait to hear what others have done (or seen other authors do) -- make sure to also share when it has and hasn't worked for you!
Until then, keep on writing, my friends! Be blessed!
Jessica
1) Lovemuffin was healed, totally and completely, from Evans Syndrome and ITP--the last time he took any meds whatsoever was July of 2011.
2) This was not a medical healing, done by doctors. We went that route. He even had his spleen removed. It failed.
3) We began to lean on and claim the truths in the Word that Jesus had already taken Andy's disease on the cross. We received communion every day ("as often as you think of me...") and claimed that by our Savior's stripes, he was healed.
4) Lovemuffin has not been to the doctor since. The Lord has held his blood; and he has not had any symptoms. In fact, he's healthier now than he was the first 14 years that we were married. We rejoice daily in the love of our Heavenly Father--an unconditional love (thanks to Jesus' finished work on the cross) that is there for all who believe in Him to hold onto and soak up.
5) A lot of writerly things have happened in that amount of time.
6) And yet, when I say a lot has happened, I don't really have much to tell.
So, there you go. Caught up on over a year's worth of news in a matter of a few bullet points. As I said, the amount of time that has passed is too much to cover on a more in-depth level. And truly, that's not why I'm back. I'm back on here because I am finally at the point where I can blog again. (Not consistently, because, to be honest, that drains way too much away from other things that need to be done.)
As Lovemuffin was going through his things with health, I was accepting horrible accusations and thoughts regarding my writing skills. I had gotten so low that (and this something I've never told anyone) I thought I completely sucked. Some time before that, a writer friend of mine sent me a mug with some absolutely wonderful writerly words (quite inspirational--you know who you are, my friend!) and I could not even look at the thing. At all. I kept it hidden, in my closet, for a YEAR, so I wouldn't have to look at the lies of what I knew that I was not. Because I really had begun to believe that I was THAT terrible. I was done. I was ready to give up.
Lovemuffin's sickness was a blessing to our family. Through the entire process of him being healed and us being spiritually restored, I came to see that, even when you don't think the Lord is doing anything in your life, He is. Sometimes, you just aren't paying attention. There's a bigger story in that, and I intend on covering it soon. It has to do with life and writing and the way, so many times, they become intertwined.
For any of you who actually remember me (it has been quite a while since I last blogged), over the next few weeks I'm going to peruse posts and see how things have been going for you all. I can't wait to rejoice with those who've leapt over the previous part of your writing journey, and are now at the next step. And for those of you still clicking away, I totally get where you're at, as well. If I learned anything this whole time about writing, I learned that those who are here, helping everyone along the way with encouraging words, are also the ones who need it themselves. :)
My first post will probably be next week--but I thought I'd bring the subject up now, so everyone could think about their answer and/or share their own experiences. Regarding genres, sometimes the story put on your heart to share isn't a story that fits perfectly between the lines. Sometimes, it overlaps a few categories. And we all know how often our stories take on a mine of their own. So here's my question to think about:
When your MS/WIP isn't one specific genre, what do you do? (Say you need a specific label for queries, for instance.) Do you take the one more obvious, and not mention the other elements? OR do you combine two or three together, and own it when you're explaining the plot?
I can't wait to hear what others have done (or seen other authors do) -- make sure to also share when it has and hasn't worked for you!
Until then, keep on writing, my friends! Be blessed!
Jessica
When numbers become more important than words
Wow. I just looked back at the last time I posted. It's been a while, hasn't it? (I'd figured it was around three months ago, but didn't realize it was actually much closer to four. And I'm still quite proud of that lovely quote. Believe in your voice, people!) To say that a lot has happened over the last (almost) four months would be a major understatement. So I don't torture anyone by making you wonder if the "happenings" have anything to do with writing, I will be upfront and honest with you. They don't. (Though I wish that they did... I still long to be published some day, to be able to look at a book that I spent so much time changing, rearranging, and writing from the very depths of my heart, to hold it in my hands. But the things that have happened recently have changed all of that. I'm not sure if this is something that is only temporary, or if, in fact, I've gone down one of those paths in my life that doesn't have the option to be walked down again.)
Now, before you hit the "back" button and go perusing somewhere else because this post isn't making much sense, I suppose I'd better explain. You see, back in April, Lovemuffin became very sick. Not a sick that anyone would normally think of -- he didn't get the flu, he wasn't coughing, he didn't get mono and suddenly start feeling extremely tired, either. (Well he did get really tired and very weak, actually, but he had insomnia and couldn't sleep -- not your typical mono symptoms.) For the sake of this blog post I'm not going to go into extreme detail -- I don't want to bore anyone, nor do I want to turn this into a "feel sorry for me" post. So here's my quickest (yet still somewhat lengthy) summary:
On Easter Sunday, things with Lovemuffin went from physically bad and confusing, to much, much worse. An ER visit, few demanded blood labs later (by us, not the doctors) and emergency admission into the hospital after that, resulted in ITP as his diagnosis. I'm assuming that most of you don't know what ITP is, and frankly, I pray none of you ever have to come close to personally knowing what it is. You can Google it, if you like, but for the sake of saving time I'll put it in simple terms: ITP is an auto-immune disorder where your body actually attacks and destroys your own blood platelets. When your platelets get too low, there are many things that can occur within the body, including spontaneous bleeds in the brain (which seems to be the biggest worry when we see doctors -- the first question Lovemuffin always receives is "Do you have a headache?"). To put what Lovemuffin was dealing with in perspective, an average person's platelet count should be anywhere from 150-400 thousand. Usually, once you're under ten thousand (and for some people, even when your count is higher than that) your gums will bleed, you will bruise (and the bruise doesn't really "heal" -- he had that on his shin after being hit by a softball, I'm not kidding, it took three months for the bruise, which ended up covering the whole lower part of his leg, down to his ankle, three months to completely go away.) and other things can happen, like nosebleeds, for instance.
Throughout our dealings with all of this, Lovemuffin's counts have gone up and down so much (up only after treatments, which include infusions of IVIG -- another word you can Google if you're in the mood -- and insanely high doses of steroids) that he's had counts of 1,000 (yes, only ONE THOUSAND) and 309,000 (you read that right, too) within a time span of only a few weeks.
I won't go into detail and bore with you all of the symptoms and issues and hospital admissions and whatnot, there's really no point in that -- reliving it all isn't on my to-do list, and I guarantee you're not going to feel how we did when we were there without me explaining it -- but I did want to explain that, like I said, there's been a lot of happenings around here lately. It took a while, but we ended up finding a place we felt was "safest" to be during all of these issues. The sad part was, it was three hours away. Thank God for our family, because without them taking care of our girls (especially before school was out) for days upon days, I'm really not sure where we would be (well, stuck here where we didn't feel "safe", obviously). And thank God for our friends, as well, for helping us out with whatever we needed, listening to us vent, and continuing to pray.
And that leads me to my final point: while this was all happening, God found us. Yes -- I meant what I said -- that was not a typo, my friends! I did not mean we found Him. He found us. He surrounded Lovemuffin with His love. He took away pains and issues he'd been having for over a decade, took away habits (smoking, in case you're curious) Lovemuffin had been dealing with since he was fourteen years old! And I'd like to make this abundantly clear: Lovemuffin, at that point, didn't even ask for Him!
Don't get me wrong -- I'm not saying we didn't ask or hope or pray for divine intervention -- we did. But when He started to work in Lovemuffin, we hadn't asked yet. He was here before we even turned to Him. Before we even understood how bad Lovemuffin's health really was. We weren't even sure what was going on yet, when Lovemuffin began to feel His presence. And throughout the issues Lovemuffin's had, there has only been one consistency: No matter how terrible he was feeling, how dark or scared or angry or sad or frustrated or helpless he or I (or both of us) felt on a certain day, God was there.
Before this all happened, I believed in God--both Lovemuffin and I did. I've believed in Him since I was a little girl, and not once did I ever, no matter what insane or terrible things were thrown my way my whole adult life, never questioned if any of those situations were brought on by God. (If anyone reading this has ever wondered about that, I want you to know the answer is no way -- He'd never do that to you. God would NEVER punish anyone for anything they've done... that is a lie straight from the pit of hell.) He reached down and put His arms around Lovemuffin and hasn't let go ever since.
And now we are here, exactly three months after the worst of Lovemuffin's symptoms, and I'm not exaggerating when I say it feels as though it's been a year. This is one of those journeys that if I had the choice, I would definitely, with no question in my mind, NEVER EVER, EVER go on again. We still don't have all the answers that we'd like to have -- for one thing, no one really knows what causes it. For another, there are only three main "cures" (and I use that term very, very loosely) for ITP (along what he was diagnosed with later as well -- Evans Syndrome -- though we both believe he's been healed from that and are believing for complete healing and restoration with the ITP, the symptoms are just taking longer to disappear) one being the removal of the spleen, another being chemotherapy. We opted for the splenectomy, and it's been about a month and a half since the procedure. After recovery from surgery was over, it was time to finally be weaned off the steroids. (Yay! They did nothing for his ITP, and talk about dark... Tears still come to my eyes when I remember how terrible they made Lovemuffin feel -- and I'm not talking about physically, I'm talking about mentally and emotionally.) THEN, after being weaned from the steroids, it was time to be weaned off the pills that helped take the edge off the steroids.
It's been a week since Lovemuffin has been completely pill-free. His sleep still isn't what it used to be, the ITP symptoms still come and go on a daily basis, and just two weeks ago we were admitted back into the hospital for low platelets. (I'm at the point where I don't even tell most people, sometimes not even my closest friends, about what is going on here because things go up and down so much, even on an hourly basis.) But you know what? We continue to believe. We continue to believe in a God that is capable and willing and WANTING to give us health and well-being. We continue to believe that family is the most important thing ever, and that health is a blessing that we not only should have, it's a blessing He feels we deserve, because we're His children.
So back to the writing -- I don't know where I'm going. Some days I'm buried in the Word and some days I'm buried in the house cleaning and some days I'm buried in the "trying to help Lovemuffin keep his sanity" and some days I'm trying to keep the girls busy and some days Lovemufffin and I are both buried in the Word. Do I love reading? Yes. Absolutely. Do I love writing? Yes. More than most things (maybe even... *gasp*... coffee). Every single time I log onto facebook or see something on my phone happening on twitter, I feel my stomach fall, fall down so deep that it hurts profusely. I want to cry and yell that it's not fair, that I want to be this or that person, that I want to have the chance to do what they're actually doing. (Then of course I tell myself I need to be HAPPY for them, be proud of what they've accomplished.) But at this point, I can't tell whether or not that's me wanting to write because I love it and want to be a part of the whole thing, want to be right there in the middle of it all since I've taken so much time to learn about the entire process, or whether it's because the enemy (you all know who I mean) is grasping at straws now, and is trying to hit me where it hurts. He's flat-out losing by trying to hit me through Lovemuffin, because I BELIEVE he's being healed -- there's no question. So now he's throwing terrible thoughts and feelings at me: "You're never going to get any further with this." "You're an absolute failure." (I have plenty of verses to throw back at those thoughts though, and they make me feel better.)
Bottom line, I don't know. I don't know much about anything in the above paragraphs, other than the fact that God loves each and every one of us. I don't know what will become of the writing, so I don't want to up and delete this blog, as of yet. At times, when I think about how certain things have gone, or I read the beginning of FLORA, and see that, yes, I should re-work the beginning (but it's not THAT bad, really!), I wonder if God had a hand in all of this, and the fact that I've gone nowhere so far is because of what was going to happen with Lovemuffin. Who knows. But because I know I won't be on here again for a while, I just wanted to let everyone know where I was. I won't be able to be checking on everyone else's blogs either, so I ask in advance that you do forgive me for that. But each and every one of you will be in my prayers -- no matter what part of the writing journey you're currently in. And hopefully, someday soon, I'll be back, knowing what the next step in my own personal journey is.
HUGS,
Jessica
Friday Focus: Believe in your voice
"Believe in yourself and in your own voice, because there will be times in this business when you will be the only one who does. Take heart from the knowledge that an author with a strong voice will often have trouble at the start of his or her career because strong, distinctive voices sometimes make editors nervous. But in the end, only the strong survive."
- Jayne Ann Krentz
- Jayne Ann Krentz
Friday Focus: Great hearts
Endurance is the crowning quality, and patience all the passion of great hearts. ~James Russell Lowell
Happy Friday! =)
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