Fears and the way they hold us back

So in this process of writing over the past four years, I've overcome a lot of things (with the help of my wonderful Father above) but there's still something I am having issues with here, so I thought I'd be raw and open and upfront about it and see if anyone else feels where I'm coming from.

First, why don't you mosey on over to this post real quick: THE POWER OF POSITIVE CUSTOMER REVIEWS, because Katrina makes some great points (for readers and writers alike). Then, come on back over. (Feel free to leave a comment first--I'm sure she'd enjoy that!)


Reviews. I read them. Constantly. And especially on Goodreads. (Love that site, by the way. What did we DO before Goodreads????) Pretty much any place you can purchase a book online, there's also the option to review it. (Barnes and Noble. Amazon. Smashwords. ibooks. The list goes on and on.)

And here's my problem.

My writing isn't out there. Oh, it will be, in a few weeks tops, but right now, it's not. And the thing that plagues me (and that I've yet to let go of and completely give to God--He's lovingly prying my fingers off of it, one at a time) is that I CAN REVIEW BOOKS and IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT PEOPLE ARE GOING TO REFUSE TO READ MINE when they come out (or review them all sucky-ish because of my reviews).

This is a major, major issue. One I've only recently come to terms with enough to speak about. As I said, this journey has been a long one, and the further along I get in it, the more I realize that His control is the best control--it's restful, and easy, and unique.

The other day, another part of the process for getting PITY released came up, and I felt the Lord specifically tell me to ask someone else to handle it. (This is one of those things that, two years ago, I NEVER would have done. I like being in control. I like it a lot, because... things go exactly the way I want.)  So I'm in bed the other night, talking to Lovemuffin about it, and I say, "I know I probably could probably have done it myself--but He told me to ask her."

I went to continue talking, but before I could finish, this was Lovemuffin's response:

"Well, yeah. He wanted you to have her do it because He wants it to be obvious that the work is not of your own hand."

Whoa. I mean, I knew it, but I didn't at the same time. And that's the summary of it all, folks... that me doing the writing all on my own was getting it nowhere and nothing was happening. There is no question that the place everything is at right now is there because I handed it over to Him.

So my point... my point... Well, first, the person I asked to do that thing? That will be revealed soon, and she's talented and more than capable and is doing an amazing job and I can't wait to share the final result. I *could* have taken it on. And I *might* have done a decent job. (Might have.) But sometimes He puts people in your life not only to benefit YOU, but so that He can BLESS THEM THROUGH YOU, too. He knows their talents, because He is the One who created them. And that's what's going on here. He's going to bless her because of this (in ways neither one of us even know about), and in the process, people will see that none of this is MY doing. It isn't MY hard work, but His.

Rest. (I'm telling you. It's awesome.)

And now I've come full circle, and we're back to the part about fear:

I want to do reviews. (As me. Not a pseudonym.) I want to be able to share the word love, help others see what I saw in the books I fell in love with, and I want to let them know where I, personally, thought things fell short. I want to be able to post reviews with no worry or shame or what ifs coming at me, not only for the potential readers who aren't sure what they're looking for, but for the authors as well. (That IS how we writers grow, is it not? To hear what parts could have been embellished, or removed?)

He's helping me, tickling my fingers, supporting me while letting me let go. It's a process... One that's easier and more restful the sooner you let Him take over. I know this. And had to share it with you, too.

Has anyone else gone through this? The review thing, the letting go and trying to be in control, or anything else along those lines? If so, I'd love to hear about it.  (And I promise other people will benefit, too!)

Also, before I go... I thought this picture was quite appropriate:


Be blessed,



Katrina L. Lantz said...

The first time I googled my name and saw that my amazon reviews came up, I made an Oh Boy face. It's scary to find out the internet isn't so anonymous. Before I'd joined the online writing community, I never worried about googling my name or what might show up. Suddenly it mattered.

But here's what posting as me everywhere has meant for me:

I'm careful what I say. Of course I slip up and say mean things sometimes without meaning to. But I'm more conscious of it, like I would be, talking to someone face to face.

That's it. Just that one difference, but it's a big difference. I think consciousness is underrated nowadays. :)

Very excited for the release of Pity Isn't An Option. Let me know how I can help: katrina (dot) lantz (at) gmail (dot) com.

Matthew MacNish said...

New follower here. Nice to meet you!