When you're done

Not everyone knows my personal story of writing, rejections, and self-publication. I know a lot of people are posting their stories right now, and most probably have a better way to tell it, but basically, I ended up getting to a point where I was just done.

Almost five years ago, I started writing again. It was a glorious day, a glorious time for me as I began to soak books up again (something I hadn't done in years) and words came to me all the time. But unbeknownst to me (and many other newbies), regardless of how ready I felt, it wasn't close to where I really was.

Fast forward a few years. I had two MSs under my belt, two more half-written. It had been approximately three years. Query responses beyond the form were far and few between. I was very frustrated. 

Then, Lovemuffin got sick. And boy was he sick. And boy did that change everything. The darkness that surrounded our house (those of you who've followed me for a few years will remember me speaking of this) was insane. I can't even explain the horrible sadness, the despair... he went through a time of crazy (understandable) fear and suicidal thoughts and a whole lot of other stuff. The girls and I weren't sure what to do... it was one of those situations where we were at a loss... we just tread carefully, all the time... and tried to get by.

Right before this, I'd begun to write a new story. I had the two main characters in my head (a guy and a girl), the feel of the whole thing (loss, hopelessness), along with the main issue--the boy was going to have some sort of issue with his blood (something you don't see often in YA books).

I did not speak of the "issue" he was going to have with anyone. I was in my own bubble of words and feelings and Jonas and Hattie, and then, Lovemuffin got sick. With a blood disease. And it tore our lives apart for a couple of months. And the Lord came to us and showed us His love like never before and we saw His light and His strength and that He was the answer to everything Lovemuffin was going through, and ultimately, we began to expect and claim it was HIS fight to fight. (Which He did. And of course, Lovemuffin's sickness was overcome.)

The reason I bring this up is, I did not realize until months after THAT that I'd already planned for Jonas to have a blood disease, and then Lovemuffin had one. I didn't realize that I'd never told him this, either. Yet, I'd gotten to the point, truly, in those three-ish years where I was done. It wasn't worth the time, the wondering, the trying constantly, the continual hope that someone would feel my characters deserved the time of day. 

I'd had it. I was done. I was still recovering from those three months that felt like a decade of emotions. 

And then, a friend emailed me. A friend I'd never met in person, but had come to be close to simply by emails and texts and whatnot. And she said something along the lines of "I don't know where you're at with writing anymore, but there's this contest..."

It was one of the Secret Agent ones by Authoress. And so, I re-read that email, and thought about it. And I was done. I was done trying. I was done trying to force things. So I told the Lord, okay, if something comes out of this, then it means you want me to write. If nothing does, then I'm done. I can't handle it anymore. It hurts too much.

Well, I won part of the contest: the agent requested a partial. Then, months later, the full. By the time I received my "answer"--it had been an entire year, and the answer was... no thanks, there's issues with the plot.

I was devastated, but at the same time, not. I knew that that book was going to eventually be something. I also knew that, since it HAD been requested, I was still supposed to write.

I went back to Hattie and Jonas. I opened documents and journals up. I read words I hadn't read in over a year and a half; and I cannot even explain my amazement as everything came together and I realized that everything Jonas was dealing with was what Lovemuffin had had. His sickness, his symptoms... suddenly not only did I have the feel of it on the page, I had the facts. The concrete, emotional feelings, the frustration, the anger, the signs of things happening in the body. It was as if I'd gone to a class on it. I was an expert now.

Am I saying the Lord "gave" that to Lovemuffin? No. Absolutely not. Lovemuffin was going through stuff that I'm not at liberty to say here, but ultimately, God cleared up his confusion on the truth of His word and that's all it took for him to be able to stand on it and say I won't accept this sickness--it's not Your plan for my life.

Which brings me to close to where we are now. Except I had to query this book, this story of Jonas and Hattie, this idea that attached itself to my heart. And I knew, ultimately, in the back of my mind the whole time, that it wasn't my story to tell. That this was going to go where it was going to go where it was going to go, and I was simply along for the ride.

Enter a few more months. I began to receive emails about how the writing was great, but no one was interested in it. You have to understand, the closest explanation I have for Pity Isn't An Option is "contemporary with a dystopian bent", because really, there's a dystopian feel to it with certain elements, but not enough to count. So I was stuck in this random, in-between category deal, and no one wanted to deal with it.

Again. Done. But not in the way that you'd think I was. Because I knew that it was supposed to be sent out into the world. I knew it was time.

And that's how the process of self-publication began.

**Special shout-out to Lovemuffin: Happy Birthday, my love!!!!

Writers and genre pigeonholes

Considering the fact that a few short days ago I'd stated we were going to go over dealing with being stuck in specific genres as writers, I was excited when a rather timely article appeared yesterday on Flavorwire titled, 10 Great Authors We Should All Stop Pigeonholing. In the article, Ms. Temple highlights ten authors whom most readers and writers alike are very familiar with (including Ray Bradberry, Jack London, and C.S. Lewis).  She points out that though we have labeled them in our minds and in the marketplace (some for many decades), all ten writers could have (and did/do) write/sell work in other genres.

I looked up the word "pigeonhole", just to see what kind of definition would come up. Oxford's online  dictionary actually uses a writer as one of its examples:

verb

[with object]

• 1assign to a particular category, typically an overly restrictive one:I was pigeonholed as a ‘youth writer’

• 2put (a document) in a pigeonhole:he pigeonholed his charts and notes
• put aside for future consideration:she pigeonholed her worry about him

Notice how the category is described? ...typically an overly restrictive one. I guess in a way, it's nice to know that this problem isn't new--writers have been dealing with the lack of categorical freedom for a long time. (Because in the long run--and the short run, too--it's all about the way to make the most profit. And not necessarily for the author.) That doesn't exactly make it any easier, however. Does it? I came across a few articles while going over this, and thought I'd share two.

First, quite a while back I watched a documentary on type-casting. The director featured famous actors--some who had been stuck in the same stereotypical role for a long time, and others who'd been able to step over that "pigeonhole labeling" category and move on to something different (and many times, even better). Now, I can't remember many of the actors anymore (it really has a been a while since I watched it), but I'll never forget this guy:


(picture courtesy of Todd Wilson/ IMDB)

Recognize him? His name is Stephen Tobolowsky. More often than not, he's played quirky, awkward characters who never had a chance at much of a social life.

The documentary pointed out that though Mr. Tobolowsky was a great actor, he had definitely been type-cast, and that action wasn't an easy thing for him to reverse. Some of you may not know Mr. Tobolowsky's face, but he has a very distinct voice. And things have obviously changed over the past few years, because he is now the voice of the Discover Card's 5% cashback commercials. Doesn't sound awkward at all in those commercials to me! You go, Mr. Tobolowsky!

So see, no one is doomed to be type-cast forever! Same goes for writing. The problem is, we writers usually don't get to make that choice.

Back in September, author Dan Thompson posted a blog titled "Avoiding the Genre Trap"  on his blog, Making It Up As I Go. He specifically talks "the literary equivalent of type-casting". The part that really stood out to me is below:

One author described how his advances became something of a trap, because he felt he could no longer afford to branch out and try a different genre or experiment with some of his stranger ideas. While it might make a fabulous novel, even a commercially successful one, he knew he could never sell something that different on a proposal. So he stuck with what he knew, living from one advance to the next.

Most of all that, of course, is second or third hand information, but I confess that this is one of the things that pushed me towards self-publishing. I did not want to find myself in the position of writing a particular book simply because it was a lot like the last one. That’s hardly the only reason I went that way, but it did enter into my thinking.

This is exactly what so many authors are stuck with, worrying about, or trying to determine whether or not they want to push through on their own without the help of a traditional publisher. It's kind of the same problem I am having--PITY ISN'T AN OPTION is dystopian, technically, and yet agents have specifically told me that it is "not dystopian enough". Here's the deal, though. I do not want to make it any more dystopian. Therefore, we're at an impasse... because unless the entire storyline changes (taking away from the whole point of it in the first place), PITY has to stay like it is. (Am I holding anything against these agents for their comments? No. It's not their fault the market is labeled so black and white, nor is it their fault that I'm just another anonymous person out in the writerly world trying to get my book into people's hearts.)

So it looks as though more and more writers are going to go self-pub. To think that writing one way actually inhibits you to write another later on is strange. To think that writing what you love makes it difficult to share is just plain sad.

Funny how, even five years ago, this was more faux pas than it is now. Funny how, in a few short weeks, you can go from editing the last draft of your manuscript to publishing it on a website, and boom.... There it is for all to digitally purchase and read. Funny how agents and (famous) writers alike like to say, don't worry about a specific genre or if it's insanely marketable, "write what you love!" (There are articles all over the internet but one example is here.*)  Then, they immediately tell you "Hey, yeah... I can't market this."

Okay, so it's really not that funny.

Way back when, people thought self-publishing was a curse. Interesting how now, writers all over the world consider it a blessing. (As do readers lately, it seems). Things are a-changing, my friends.

Consider what agent Sara Megibow, from Nelson Literary Agency, tweeted yesterday: If publishing becomes more like music (possible) then there will be a few HUGELY commercially successful authors (both trad and self pub)...

See, now, I'm fine with that. I think *most* writers who are struggling to get their work under readers' noses would be fine with that, too! The whole point of getting through the drafts and the words and the love and the angst of writing isn't to stuff it under a box and walk away, it's to allow others the gift of seeing the end of your journey!

So, friends, what is your take on all this? Would you 

a) write FOR the market, and in doing so, label your work a specific genre in order to have a higher chance of getting it to go somewhere (and/or even completely revise your work to have more of a chance at traditional publishing), 

b) write for your HEART, and then after all is said and edited, go about trying to squeeze it into one genre

or 

c) try to do a little bit of both?

And if the genre label/type-cast/pigeonhole wasn't working for you, would you rewrite it all, or lean toward self-publishing in order to keep your story true?

I would love to see your responses (along with examples of genres people have used/bent themselves that aren't particularly traditional) below!

Jessica

*I am in no way dogging this agent or her response to the question or her opinion on the matter... just showing one quick example of advice offered all over the interwebs from the literary world.