What jealousy really means

There's this feeling called jealousy--maybe you've heard of it. If not, let me give you a little description: Jealousy wreaks havoc on your body. It makes your heart hurt, your head throb, causes you to get TMJ, not be able to sleep, and makes you drive your nails into your palms until you have two sets of mini-craters.

Jealousy makes you overanalyze your work, try too hard; it can turn you into a very judgmental (and sometimes arrogant) person, or do the exact opposite and make you hate everything about yourself that, at one point, you used to love. But most of all, jealously makes you lose site of what's important.

Not long ago, YA author Leigh Ann Kopans shared a post about jealousy, and it got me thinking. This jealousy is something I know a lot about, considering I've been writing for 4+ years now and have received, I'd say, more than 150 rejections/no responses from agents/publishers (for three separate books--mind you, I'm not saying that they were all perfect).

I agree with a lot of Leigh's points, including truly being happy for other writers when they announce signing agents and/or deals (while at the same time wishing the same thing for myself). But there's a few things that came to me as I read, and I felt they were necessary to mention.

1) For those of you who read my blog regularly, you know that Lovemuffin was very sick a while back, and a few things changed for us personally afterwards. My relationship with the Lord grew immensely as He showed me more about His true heart, and who we are in Him, to our Heavenly Father.

As a result of that, He's opened my eyes to a lot of things, one being that when He opens a door, no one can shut it. I used to think I had to do everything on my own. It's a pretty popular mentality: If I don't do it, no one will. But the problem is, that mentality makes you rely on your own effort... which can end up being a problem.

For one, you look at other people's journeys and try to mold their steps/happenstances into your own in order to achieve the same thing. But each of us has a completely different story, and He has written a unique plan for us as well. We are meant to touch different people, to rub against different people, to move and learn and brush off on different people as they brush off on us. We can't look at anyone else's writing/publication (or any other kind of) journey and expect it to be our own, any more than we can look at one person's diet/workouts and expect the same results.

Another reason that thought process gets in the way is we depend on man to work when Someone much higher and more powerful can change things for our favor instantaneously.

Knowing that simple truth gives you the power to work and not worry about what is going to happen in the future. Knowing He wants what's best for you and has a plan for what's been put on your heart gives you the desire to continue.

2) I recently heard a sermon where the pastor made a comment about jealousy. He said that, when we get jealous, what we are really saying is that we think God doesn't have enough power/smarts/ability/ect. to make all of us prosper.

At first, that comment bounced right off me, but as I thought about it for a while, I realized he was so right. When we get jealous about someone "making it", what we're really thinking is "That's not fair--I wish it were me."

There's nothing wrong with wanting something for our lives--having the desire to show what we've accomplished. But knowing Who helped you accomplish it makes a big difference in it getting accomplished.

Here's the thing. Like I mentioned above, in thinking

"that's not fair--I wish it were me who had insert item here" (this could be a book deal, a promotion, a new house, a new car, a child, and on and on and on)

we are inadvertently saying

if they have it, then there's no way that I can. They already got it. It is no longer available. 

And that is not true.

There are tons of positions, there are tons of agents, there are tons of publishers, there are tons of friends, there are tons of cars, and I am convinced you could apply any situation you are in to this sentence and the same would be true. Problem is, we see things a specific way. Here's an example of what I'm trying to say:

A guy and his son go out to a park near their home, and stand at the edge of a little, man-made lake.

The son says to his dad, "I like this place. It's beautiful and wild and calm and fun and blue."

The dad looks out over water, at the ducks paddling around in it, at the movement their webbed feet cause, the waves rolling over the dirt embankment, at the trash floating nearby. He sees where the grass has died due to dogs peeing, and notices a lone shoe sitting in a patch of mud that a child must have left accidentally.

Though the park looks dirty, he doesn't think it looks sad enough to be considered blue.

"What do you see that is blue?" he asks his little boy.

This is his son's answer:

"The sky, Dad. The sky above the water--it's blue, it's calm, it's beautiful. The sky beyond the lake, off near our house--see the clouds shaped like cotton candy? It's fun, 'specially that one right there that looks like a cowboy on a wild adventure."

The dad looks out across the lake and realizes he'd missed so much... he didn't see the airplane flying above their house, he didn't notice the pack of girls sitting on a blanket off to the west near the teeter-totters, laughing. He didn't see the couple on bench on at the other end of the lake, holding hands. And he didn't see that when you look at something, you can look right at it and expect what you see to be all there is available; or you can choose to look at the whole picture and beyond, knowing there are many things your eyes have yet to notice.

That's how He works. He sees the whole picture. We try out for jobs, for positions, for agents (or whatever), thinking this is the only way things can happen. The reality of it all though, is that His plan may have you submitting to so-and-so, yes, but then they may know someone who sees something and tells someone and six months down the road you get a call that you never expected from someone you'd never heard of. (No, this didn't happen to me.)

Bottom line to this entirely too-long post? He is able to do everything. And, He is willing. His plan may seem to take longer than you want, but, ultimately, it's constructed better than you ever could have attempted for it to be. So when you get down because someone else appears to be receiving blessings you've been wanting, and start to hear that voice in your head that makes you think it's not possible for you or you need to do this or that (thereby losing sight of the reason you had the desire for it in the first place), remind yourself who's really in charge. Take a step back, take a deep breath, and say,

 This can be mine, too.

"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21

Be blessed,

Jessica

WRITEONCON + tea & crumpets

First, I'd like to announce to those who have been busy doing, you know, important stuff (and not stalking people on twitter, like, well, someone we know) that the dates for this year's WRITEONCON (AKA, the most awesome dates in the universe) have been released, and I'm quite the excited crumpet. (Odd word choice, I know, but I had to tie both parts of this post in somehow!) I'm pretty sure the kids will be at school and I'll actually be able to participate. So... yay! Anyway. It's August 16-18th. Make sure and mark ya calendahs, ya'll.

Second, and this kind of goes with the theme of WRITEONCON since there are so many awesome agent contests going on over there, I'd like to know what everyone envisions their dream agents doing on a daily basis. Personally, I see the ladies wearing lace gloves (and for some reason, some of them are also wearing corsets), sitting around their desks (which have been specifically placed to where everyone can see each other -- not sure why this is, but I imagine them all in one big room), and sipping on tea. Kind like this...

...but with tea, and crumpets. And they're sitting at desks. Not outside.*

And somehow, with all of this very old stuff going on (the corsets, lace gloves and whatnot), they still have their computers propped in front of them on their desks. Most of the lady agents are reading queries from their emails, but a few are completely engrossed in paper partials and fulls.

Then, the clock chimes that it's ten o'clock, everyone stops what they're doing, and the main, owner agent lady leaves for a moment. When she returns, she's holding an old, silver platter, and she says, "Tea? Crumpets, anyone?"

The rest of the agents smile politely, and nod -- some of them even say "Why yes, Main Owner Agent Lady, thank you, so much." (Mind you, this is all being done in some sort of accent -- preferably an English one.)

So everyone sips on their tea (pinkies raised, of course) whilst discussing their exciting secret double lives (secret agents of the governmental sort, food critics, authors themselves, people who crash cars and rate how safe they are, you know, that sort of stuff) and ultimately, their very strongly accented conversation gets around to the queries they've received that morning.

And they laugh, "eh-heh-heh" and "ooh-hoo-hoo"**, careful to keep their mouths closed so as not to spit out tea or crumpets on their computers or papers because, well, that would be a disaster, not to mention quite unladylike, then dab at their mouths with little hankies, having a quaint time listening to people's ideas and query faux pas. (Not in a mean way, just a... whimsical way.)

And that's what I see them doing. Allllll day. Talking, laughing, drinking tea, and eating crumpets. I'm not sure how this got into my head, because I know that's not even remotely close to how it actually is. I know there are male agents (heck, I've queried/am querying male agents!), but for some reason, I can't get the parasols (I forgot to mention those, didn't I?) and tea and crumpets out of my head.

How 'bout you? How do you envision the agents' daily lives? And are you as excited as I am about WRITEONCON??? =)

Currently inspired by: Hockey - Too Fake

*Incidentally, this book is on my TBR list.

** My try at writing quiet, practically closed-mouth ladylike-laughing was quite laughable itself.

Understanding rejections

Today's post, which was supposed to be last Wednesday's, then yesterday's (the holidays have taken over and the days are just zooming by) is about something many writers who have their heart set on publication know all too well -- rejections.

A little over a week ago, there was a chat on twitter regarding queries and rejections. Following the chat, my friend Andi and I had a discussion about it, and I mentioned how I'd found myself feeling a bit confused as to what some of the writers had tweeted. At least a few had mentioned "helpful" rejections, and I wondered how many of those were actually different variations of the standard form letter, and how many of them truly were beyond the norm. Then Andi suggested that this would actually be a good topic to post on the blog, so here it is.

Can you tell me what these three rejections have in common?

Dear Ms. Brooks,

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to read THIS AWESOME BOOK. Though I thoroughly enjoyed reading this, I don't believe that my agency will have the opportunity to represent it at this time. Please know that this has nothing to do with your work, and that you may find an agent who feels completely different about your idea.

Best,

Agent So and So

***

Dear Jessica Brooks,

After much consideration of THIS AWESOME BOOK, I've decided I will have to pass. Thank you so much for allowing me to see your work, and I wish you luck in future endeavors.

Sincerely,

Agent So and So

***

Dear Jessica,

Thank you for thinking of me when seeking representation for THIS AWESOME BOOK. While we really like the concept of this book, we are unable to place it with our agency at this time. We believe your book may have market potential, and would like to thank you for considering us. We wish you the best of luck in finding an agent as zealous about your work as you are.

Best Wishes,

Agent So and So

If you answered standard form rejection letter, you were absolutely correct. The above three (fake) rejections were personalized and polite, but they were all standard form rejections.

I'm wondering how many first time writers who've just begun their plunge into the query process can actually tell the difference between a form rejection, and one that is not. Over the past few months I've noticed comments across the internet by writers stating they didn't understand how such a nice query could, in fact, be a rejection. The agency liked their work, thought it had potential, or appreciated the concept. So why was it then, that it was rejected, without the agent asking for at least a partial submission?

The answer is simple: Because that's their rejection letter.

I have to say, I do feel for agents. They receive a gazillion queries a year, and are, for the most part, doing their best to reply to most of them in a timely manner. If their response is short and to the point, a handful of writers will consider them rude. If they state that they enjoyed the premise but can't represent that specific piece of work at the present time, some writers see that as them being impatient and not giving the writer enough of a chance. So in a way, there's no right way for agents to reject. Someone somewhere is going to read into the words, or in between the words. They're going to want to know what it means, if maybe they should just fix it a little bit until it seems to fit the agency's particular style and then resubmit, or if it means something else.

Now, before I go any further in this post, I'd like to clarify that I haven't received a single rejection that I would deem helpful. Polite, yes. Slightly personal, sure. But helpful? As in, "this work could be better if this or that" or what other people have stated as rejections they've received that truly help them improve their work? No.

So you're probably wondering, what is a helpful rejection already, Jessica? You've gone on and on about these mysterious helpful rejections, and now I want to know what you're talking about! Well, the problem is, I actually don't know. But I do know that the above made-up rejections shared in this post do take the sting of the actual rejection away a bit, which is nice.

I guess the point of this post is

1) To point out that an agent can be polite and sound excited or appreciative in their rejection and still truly not be interested in your work.

2) I, along with other people, would love to hear an example of a helpful rejection.

How about you? Have you received a rejection that made you wonder just what it meant, exactly? Or have you received a helpful rejection that you could enlighten us with by paraphrasing here in the comments?

A different kind of turkey

Imagine, if you will, that you're at a bowling alley.

You think you're a pretty good bowler, but the strikes are evading you.

At first, you don't think much of it. At least you're knocking the pins down, getting that occasional spare once in a while, right? You'll just try harder when your next turn comes around.

Now imagine that each set of bowling pins stands for something -- in my case, they'll stand for a query -- but they could be a job you're applying for, something you've been striving to do in your life, whatever.

You keep rolling the ball, trying to knock down the pins, attempting to get somewhere with those queries/job applications/et cetera. But those darn strikes... they refuse to materialize.

Now, disappointment starts to settle in. Within a short matter of time, that feeling goes from being a thin, hardly noticeable vapor of frustration, to the heaviest fog EVER.

But here's the thing.

Does the bowler attempt that first strike, use his second chance to do it again, then say, "Forget this, I quit" and walk out of the bowling alley?

Nope.

How about after a few frames? Does he quit then?

Not at all.

The game isn't over until ten frames have been played -- that's twenty chances to knock the pins over. So if each set of pins is a query, that's a decent amount of opportunities!

Maybe you knock down a few pins, but the results aren't what you were hoping for. One pin gets knocked down -- one response after carefully analyzing the "perfect" way to throw the ball. It's not a bite, not a positive reaction as you'd hoped, just a reaction.

Time for another frame.

And if none fall down, or they do, but they aren't what you're looking for (rejections, someone else hired for that position, et cetera), you do another one.

And another.

And another.

And... another.

You keep practicing, sending that bowling ball in the direction it needs to go.

And eventually, though it may not be as soon as you want, you'll get that strike -- that request, that job offer. Heck, you may even get more than one. Maybe you'll get three. A query turkey, so to speak.

**For a much better query analogy, check out Amy's post, In Which I Compare Querying to Toothpaste.

This is your brain...

This is your brain...

This is your brain during the query process.

That is all.

I'm an acorn in a world of peanuts

I'm having an epiphany here, guys. (Yes, I know. I have them a lot.)

I've been smacked. Smacked in the comprehensive part of my brain that has been reading, reading, reading, studying book flaps and websites and "this query worked and this is why" posts, trying to understand how to get it right. Trying to get FLORA to sound like it should. Trying to make FLORA sound good. (Because I really do believe that it is.)

I'm walking through Target, and there it is. BOOM. Right to the side of my head.

POW! Hello, Jessica! Glad to see you're back! Where have you been?

I've got it all wrong, people. I'm not supposed to be explaining FLORA. I'm not supposed to follow these other query samples to tell about mine. I'm supposed to be saying:

Mine is different. Here's how.

It isn't like everyone else's. You're not about to read the same words fifty other people have already used. This here is an acorn - a pretty, different, unique and original acorn, in a world full of peanuts.

Mine is different. Here's how.

You didn't know I'm a poet?

Ode to Querying

by

Snippy Snuffalupakins

Queries are fun.

Synopsises are neat.

(I'm lying.

Both make me want to chew my own feet.)

Thursdays with Snip - contests & news

Contests

30 and under authors: Narrative Magazine is holding its annual Thirty and Below Contest.

THE DUFF and PERSONAL DEMONS: Author Lisa Deshrochers (Personal Demons) is giving both books away to one lucky winner on her blog! Enter here for a chance to win! (Contest ends September 24th.)

Hungry for Harper Teen contest: Great book giveaways going on at the Hungry for Harper Teen contest.

Critique/Mentorship Opportunity: Angela Ackerman at The Bookshelf Muse is throwing a contest as a thank you for reaching 1000 followers! Check it out here. (Contest ends Wednesday, September 29th.)

Beautiful Darkness ARC: The Page Turners Blog is giving away a Beautiful Darkness ARC & swag. Check this link for the entry form. (Contest ends October 1st.)

Dear Lucky Agent contest (Paranormal Romance & Urban Fantasy writers): Looking for a crit on your first ten pages? Winner will receive a critique by Marisa A. Corvisiero. Check out the Dear Lucky Agent Contest for more info. (Contest ends October 6th.)

***

News

Speak Loudly - I'm sure by now most of you know about the uproar on the internet over the past few days regarding Laurie Halse Anderson's SPEAK. If you haven't, please check out the link and show your support!

Looking for an agent? Elizabeth Craig had a great post on thoughts and resources for that very thing!

Deliberate practice can make you a better writer - When do most writers ever practice? Check out this great post by guest blogger Barbara Baig on the Writer Beware blog.

Time Management, Creative Productivity, and Multitasking - Debbie Ridpath Ohi (better known as @inkyelbows) talks about those three very things on her post for the MiG Writers blog.

Gauging Your Story's Marketability - Lydia Sharp at The Sharp Angle had a great post regarding the marketability of your book and making your pitch stand out.

Essence of Setting - The Writers Alley tackles the question, "Is the choice of setting really that important?"

Jane Austen fans, unite! - If you're a fan of Jane Austen, check out the Austen Authors website (comprised of 24 Jane Austen literary fiction authors). They're hosting a launch extravaganza - including giveaways - now through October 6th. (One of them just happens to be my pal, Sharon Lathan! Hi, Sharon!)

Happy Thursday!

Thursdays with Snip - This week's contests and writing tips

I've been informed by Snippy (my alter ego) that she would like to take on the responsibility of the Thursday blog posts. At first I was going to argue about it, but then I realized what a wonderful idea it was. I mean wow! Talk about a lot less pressure! No more worrying about typos, no stressing not finding enough interesting info. And if somehow I forget to do a post one week, it won't be my problem. No one will think *I* let the ball drop, they'll just blame Snip! (I can't believe how smart I am. It's amazing. Really it is.)

So here we go. Hope you enjoy Snippy Snuffulapakins' new column, Thursdays with Snip. (In which Snip shares contests going on in the blogosphere, and interesting writerly tidbits.)

Mega-Epic-Contest-of-Awesome: Shannon Whitney Messenger is holding a contest to give away 5 ARCs. It ends Sunday, August 22nd. Check it out here.

300's contest: While Lydia King is away on vacation, she's holding a contest. Enter to win a set of French-milled soaps, a unique New York City style coffee cup (being from California, I'm just going to take her word for it), or $15 Barnes and Noble gift card. (I'm thinking she needs to go on vacation more often!) Check out the 300's contest here.

A giveaway that's French-ish: *Snip is saying the following announcement in a French accent. She is also eating french fries and french toast*

In honour of BEDISHOA, Steph-y is geeving away zee ver-y last ARC of her debut YA novel, Anna and the French Kiss. (Okay forget the accent. She's terrible at this.) This book doesn't come out until December, so head on over to her blog and take a look at the contest.

Hearts on a String: Darlene at Peeking Between the Pages is giving away Hearts on a String by Kris Radish. Read her review and contest info here.

Saradise ARC Extravaganza - Sara at Babbling Flow is giving away nine ARCs on her blog. Check back with her on Monday to see extra ways to enter.

Free money: No seriously. Tahareh has gone marbles, and I am celebrating (is that wrong?). She's offering $100 on her blog. Have you already thought of the books you could buy with your winnings? I know I have. Check out the contest here. Start thinking of your favorite fictional character - you have until Sunday to enter.

And now for Snip's favorite writerly tidbits:

How to Write a Novel, by Nathan Bransford, has tons of helpful information. Definitely one of those you're going to want to bookmark for referencing later.

The Big 10 issue by Writer's Digest was great. My favorite issue so far. You can download it here. I really enjoyed the 10 Expert's Take on the Writer's Rulebook article. Good points of view on whether or not to follow the "rules".

100 top YA novels for 2010: I came across Persnikety Snark, an Australian blog, last night (or this morning, I guess I should say), and after feeling a little dejected that I hadn't gotten to vote (voting took place in April and May), I propped Henry on my pillow and had a nice time reading the list. Also, my Borders wish list just grew a little longer, which is obviously a wonderful thing. And, if I happen to win Tahareh's contest... *stares into space*

Creating queries couldn't be easier (*laughs at her own joke*) after you read this actually very detailed and helpful article, How to Write a Query Letter, by Ann C. Crispin from Writer Beware.

Happy Thursday, everybody!

**This just in - Nathan Bransford's post for today is How to Write a Query Letter! So between the two insightful posts I mentioned today, and the many other agent/writer/editor blogs out there chalk full of helpful hints, we should all have agents within the next few days or so! *yay*

Summer contests and other informative stuff

I've come across a few things worth sharing, and decided to post them all in one blog. Feel free to pass the info along.

Here they are, in no particular order...

* Pure Imagination's Summer Celebration Giveaway

* Roni & Julie's contest - According to their blogs, here are the prizes up for grabs:

Hannah Moskowitz's Break

Lisa Desrocher's Personal Demons (ARC)

A query or first five pages critique from Fine Print Lit's intern, Gemma Cooper

A query or first five pages critique from Janet Reid's assistant, Meredith Barnes

A query or first five pages critique from agent Suzie Townsend

A query or first five pages critique from editor Brendan Deneen

* Win a copy of Mandy Hubbard's new book, You Wish (also author of Prada & Prejudice, and other books) at C.A. Marshall's blog. To read more about Mandy Hubbard, check out her interview at the Lisa and Laura Write blog here.

* Julie P., author of Booking Mama blog, is giving away a copy of Fragile by Lisa Unger, here.

* Noah Lukeman of the Ask a Literary Agent blog has just combined all of his wonderful advice and knowledge into a free ebook for us lovely writers, here.

There are tons more contests going on around the blogosphere as we speak, but I've run out of time. If anyone would like to share a contest they are currently holding, feel free to mention it in the comments.

Happy Thursday!